What is this life that I observe in the third person?
Detached of my own conversations.
Automatic, expected answers & responses of this character that I am.
Her name is mediocrity.
I am in the corner of my own mind, staring in wonder.
Are these my words?
Is this my way?
Myself not who I am.
I am mediocrity.
Thoughts removed from a detachable existence.
I am looking for my smile, while I stare into the distance.
I am a circle in a square.
A box of normalcy & safety
Where none will stare & see me roll.
Roll faster than I can control
At the mercy of gravity
At the pace of true imagination.
I am restless of this square.
I wrote that long ago. Long ago when I allowed people who knew little about me to define my parameters, In the name of whomever. In the name of, the boy who looked important with a pretty girl on his arm. In the name of, a girl who thought she was too imperfect to be accepted as-is. In the name of, a group of believers who were more comfortable with a young woman putting on the costume of maturity rather than the garment of true knowledge through genuine discovery, trial & error, success & failure, authentic learning. In the name of, appearances. In the name of, fear. Fear of failure & the judgement that follows in the circle of believers. I was afraid to fail & to let people see what I looked like making mistakes. The kind of mistakes a young woman learns from. The errors that chisel away at her childhood to reveal the masterpiece of her womanhood. I wanted to be free, fluid & full of motion, but I allowed the insecurities of man to halt any organic form of expression. This is my deepest regret in life. Never again will I be a circle in a square. If God made you to roll, then you had better trust the terrain and roll as far & as fast as the wind takes you! If I could go back in time & give myself a bit of advice, I would say, "your destination is probably beyond the imagination of any "square" so don't sell your journey short."
Written by Anjole Williams